Tired Shit on Facebook: Drama Club Edition

Ever since its launch and popular adoption, Facebook has been a force for both good and evil. In “Tired Shit on Facebook,” our esteemed author tackles an aspect of the social networking site – emanating from either its creators or users – that should be forcibly retired. 

Facebook, unlike its social networking brethren Friendster and MySpace, has been able to stand the test of time. I attribute its continual success to the willingness of its creators to change the formula every few months to keep users engaged and interested. Although each new revision is met with a wave of complaining, it is finally accepted and loved, to the point when it is changed again, users lobby for a return to the previous incarnation. Facebook is the digital manifestation of Darwinian evolution, ever changing to better suit the Internet environment. Over the years, Facebook has added a blog function (through the use of “Notes”), increased capacity for photos and videos, addictive games, a marketplace, and – the focus of this post – the ability to keep friends updated on your status. The status update function, which predates Twitter by a couple of years, is likely the most abused feature of the entire website. Check your newsfeed right now. I’d wager 60-70% of the content there is comprised of people’s inane descriptions of what they are thinking, feeling, or doing. However, no type of status update is worse than the kind I shall bemoan here, which I term the “no drama” update.

You’ve no doubt seen this type of update before; personally, I see it nearly every time I log on. Here is a fabricated but very representative example:

“Jane Doe can’t believe how immature people are. I’m not going to let haters ruin my day. So over it.”

(I selected a woman’s name in the above example because these updates are issued exclusively by female users. I’ve never seen a male user post anything similar to the above on Facebook, nor have I ever heard a man express it in real life.)

The above status is annoying in myriad ways. First, it’s baldly attention- and sympathy-seeking. Under these statuses, you will typically find a bevy of comments (again, primarily from women) agreeing with or emotionally supporting the author, which is of course the desired reaction. Second, by posting this sentiment in a public forum, the author has demonstrated that she is, in fact, not over “it.” Rather, she is in the thick of “it,” wallowing in “it” like a baby in its own diaper filth. The most astonishing (and infuriating) aspect of this is that you’ll see these updates time and again from the same people, despite their assertions that, from this point on, they won’t let drama affect their lives. Had I means to contact Mark Zuckerberg, I would suggest he inject some real drama into the lives of these prima donnas and exile them from Facebook permanently.